Rethinking Discipline: Why Spanking is Harmful

Rethinking Discipline: Why Spanking Harms and What to Do Instead

By: the Dakota Children’s Advocacy Center

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and it’s normal to feel frustrated when your child misbehaves. While spanking has been widely debated, new research has shown that spanking as a form of punishment for behaviors has many negative effects. Researchers at Harvard have found that spanking is not only ineffective but actually harms adolescent brains and lowers IQ. Studies show that spanking a child just 12 times per year and once with an object like a belt had 14-19% less brain matter in the decision-making area. It also triggers brain responses to threats, the same as sexual abuse and severe physical abuse. Spanked children are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and academic struggles.

So, what can you do instead?

1. Ask for help – If you’re too frustrated to stay in control, involve another trusted adult.
2. Give Choices – A choice gives some control back to the child and also teaches children decision-making skills.
3. Consequences – offering appropriate consequences can be very effective. Be sure to only use consequences that you’re willing to follow through on.
4. State Your Request in the Positive – The first thing your child hears is what they can’t have. Phrase requests in a way that encourages cooperation.
5. Timeout—The general rule is one minute for every year of age. If a child is having a tantrum, the timeout should start when the child has calmed down and can keep the tantrum under control for the duration of the timeout.
6. Pick your battles—Choose a specific number of behaviors or situations (e.g., morning or bedtime routine, dinner time) and focus on decreasing behaviors during those times. 
7. Timeout—wait, didn’t we already cover this? This timeout is for YOU. It’s okay to give yourself a quick break to calm down and refocus. Make sure your child is safe and practice a quick calm-down technique like box breathing or the 5 Senses technique.

These strategies promote healthy discipline while strengthening your child’s emotional well-being. The information in this article was adapted from https://www.chhs.niu.edu/child-center/resources/articles/alternatives-to-spanking.shtml.